The LA Diaries.

Located pictures (I was mostly concerned about camera footage in LA but managed to scrounge some stills from a digital camera). Most of my adventures got at least one snap … unfortunately there were ABSOLUTELY NO CAMERAS ALLOWED on the CBS lot or I would have photographed everything at the Price Is Right, twice.

Pictures are fuzzy because at all times either me or the person taking the picture was laughing like a lunatic.

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As soon as I got off the plane I was shoved into a car, which was nearly stopped by the LAX parking police, but due to an unusually high amount of magic being about we escaped unscathed and unticketed. I filmed while we tooled around the city a bit. When we got back to Henry and Tanya’s they said YOU HAVE TO SEE THE ROOF! so up we went. That’s where that shot is from, with Koreatown in the background, and me with no sleep for nearly 48 hours.

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As I’ve mentioned, I wrote lots of letters to celebrities, asking them to tell me their stories of success because I’m honestly interested in how wildly successful and legendary people look back on the times that were tough before they got famous.

Since I was in LA I decided to hand-deliver them for that personal touch. All kinds of people got one - Jason Alexander, Ben Stiller, Christina Ricci, Judd Nelson, Larry Flint, Paul McCartney, Carrie Fisher, Jay Leno. The letters were on yellow paper and I fancied the thought of a Hollywood party where people talked about “those damn yellow letters”.

No cease and desist letters from lawyers yet, but no stories from famous people either. Sigh.

The picture is of me hand delivering one to Bob Barker’s place. I am sneaky like ninja.

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It was nearly dusk the second or third day when we were driving around delivering letters. On a map I saw a little-known route up to the Hollywood sign, which Henry and Tanya assured me was unreachable because failed actors had a habit of flinging themselves off of it.

We drive up this CRAZY steep twisty road and get as close as you can drive to the sign, which is where that fuzzy picture was taken. There’s a house up there and there’s an arch beside it which goes out to this path that leads along the ridge to the sign. We hiked a lot of it (it’s trecherous) but then it started getting dark and I was getting worried about how we would get back with no light. It was unfortunate because my brother asked me to bring back one of the Ls for him. Next time I guess.

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Oh, right, the gorilla incident.

I rented a suit and ended up running around an intersection for about an hour. It was great, most people thought it was hilarious. I just kept strutting around and when I saw someone would yell HOW YA LIVIN?! and when they started answering just yelled ALL RIGHT! with a thumbs up.

Just a monkey out for a stroll.

I don’t know if it made the news, I had to return the suit and try not to die of heat exhaustion in the hours following and wasn’t watching TV, but there were a couple of news helicopters hovering and a photographer. Lots of people honked from their cars, no one made a conscious effort to run me down, and the little kids were hilarious.

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I set up a lemonade stand downtown one day. I can’t remember where, but it was near that square where, apparently, they filmed “Speed”. It was also right at the entrance of the subway system.

It was HOT that day, as the sign in the picture above indicates. Lots of people in suits rushing around and they looked hot and sweaty - ah, target market!

A lot of my selling consisted of what I believe is called “the direct approach”, as illustrated above. Notice the red commemorative My Million Dollar Year cups in my hand! Collectors items that came free with purchase!

This is Lucas. He hung out for most of the time and was a really nice guy. I gave him a free cup for being a sport and for sticking a sticker on his walkman.

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Busked in Venice Beach at one point. Venice Beach blew my mind - I expected it to be really lame and commercial but it was really beautiful. I kind of get what Brian Wilson was on about.

Anyway, with the loan of Henry’s guitar (isn’t it gorgeous?!) I managed to remember the words and chords to “If I Had A Million Dollars” on the drive there. Set up a sign indicating that I was trying to make a million bucks. I was amazed that I instantly drew a crowd, people will watch anything I guess.

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